Listening about Hard Things

 Friends, 

Let’s talk about talking about hard things. Or, rather, let’s listen about hard things.

It’s not a practice that many people appreciate, at least not in a way that could be productive and transformative. The preferred diet for difficult topics seems to be more monologue than dialogue, tossing nuance aside, substituting volume for clarity, listening strategically with the intent of responding, and relying on one’s favored news sources, disregarding the usual checks and balances that might ensure integrity. As a result, old friends and even family members can hardly abide one another because of their deeply rooted political/religious/ethical differences – even if they agree on a large percentage of other things in life. 

Some folks say our country is more deeply divided than it has ever been, although there was an actual war between states that offers perspective. And our current divisiveness it is not a uniquely “American” thing, if one pays attention to the amount of discontent and control that other nations are experiencing. Still, strident divisiveness is a palpable part of our everyday existence, from city council meetings to electoral politics, to church bodies issuing position statements, to eggshells that we have to tiptoe around with old friends. Whether it is “the worst it has ever been” or whether it is simply what happens to typical differences of opinion when social media democratizes channels of outrage, the God who is made known to us in Jesus Christ calls us to a different way of being in the world. Our love of God is inextricably tied to our love of neighbor and our love of self – that is a foundation that enables us to talk about hard things, to disagree if necessary, to listen when possible, to strive for understanding, and still to insist that justice is how we love one another on a communal scale. As difficult, plodding, and awkward as it may be, this is our calling. 

So, let’s listen. Let’s listen, not to “both sides,” since the world is not a two-sided coin, but to experiences, whether they cohere with ours or not. Let’s listen, not to argue, and not to fall into gullibility, but to try to know what is driving, even bothering our neighbor. Let’s listen because just as God is far more complex than any of our boxes, so is the expanse of human experience. 

I received a link from a member this week of a 90-minute discussion regarding Israel and Palestine. I don’t often grant myself an hour-and-a-half to watch YouTube, so I’m making my way through it in short pieces – which may be best, because it is coming from a position that I find thoughtful but very challenging. You too can watch it here. 

Likewise, I received an invitation this week that I want to pass along to you. Our friends at Irvine United Congregational Church will be hosting two doctors who have recently returned from Gaza, to share their experiences there on Tuesday, June 18, at 7:00pm. As their pastor, Sarah Halverson Cano put it, “I imagine it will be a difficult gathering to attend, but certainly very moving, I'm sure.” 

I don’t want to fall into the “two-sides” or “all things equivocal” traps here. Even on the Palestine/Israel issue, there are many differing values, presumptions, and experiences of pain to which we need to listen. But I am endeavoring to structure my life and exposure, so that I do not become so doctrinaire and certain of myself that I cannot even hear what someone else is saying. And I have long admired how so many of you do that same. We learn a lot by paying attention to one another here at St. Mark. Thank you for your faithfulness. 

Mark of St. Mark