One of the endearing qualities of the church where I grew up was that everybody hugged everybody. Being a little boy, I didn’t think to pay attention to how this activity might play out for people who don’t care to hug for whatever reason. What I remember and appreciate greatly was how this congregation – most of whom were “working class” folk presenting fairly traditional gender roles – was the only place I regularly saw people hug, cry, talk about their hurts, and put their humanity out there. Hugging was a big part of that and, as a little boy, knowing that men could hug men, women could hug women, and that even people presenting different genders could hug – without romantic or sexual connotations – was a huge life lesson.
Since that time I’ve also learned that hugging can be an avenue of harassment, inappropriate, or simply awkward on many occasions. I’ve figured out how to read body language from others, but also that I’m probably not as good at reading body language as I think I am, so I should err on the side of caution. The “Me too” movement was a long overdue sensitivity awakening for many of us, and now the rules of engagement during COVID-19 has accomplished what consciousness-raising could not. We are not hugging now, at least not folks outside of our sheltering circles. And while that might be a welcomed change in many respects, it’s a real loss in other respects. I had a conversation with a friend this week who reminded me of the chemical reactions that hugs produce, releasing endorphins that heal, as well as dopamine and serotonin, which soothe and help relieve tension.
Tara Parker-Pope has recently written an essay entitled, “How to Hug During a Pandemic.” You can read it here. It makes the case for how many of us miss hugging and includes some marvelous illustrations of how to and how not to hug safely. It even has a drawing of a grandparent kissing the top of a child’s head from behind - always one of my favorite gestures of receiving affection. Even so, while the essay argues that a quick hug, done well, carries very low risk of transmitting a virus, it ends with the caution that people should choose their hugs wisely, preferring meaningful hugs over casual hugs.
I’m not promoting a hugfest. Heck, I’m not in favor of an anything-fest. Not yet. I only want to show that the pandemic offers us a chance to re-evaluate our practices and to re-discover what is genuinely meaningful versus what we’ve simply come to accept as “normal.”
One of the best ways that we can embrace our collective experience of COVID-19, as well as the “Me too” movement, as well as the “Black Lives Matter” movement, is to welcome the opportunity to re-evaluate the things we have accepted as “normal.” To do so is to live into the challenge from the Apostle Paul in Roman 12, “No longer be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” When many of our “normal” ways of doing things are being revealed today as unjust, earth-damaging, racist, and impoverishing; when many of our casual arguments are being exposed as solipsistic rationalizations of selfishness; and when we’ve shown the capacity to politicize even science and safety – we need transformation. Transformation into the “mind of Christ” is a radical change, predicated on giving highest priority to the least favored among us. It was a prescription for ridicule and rejection for the early church, so we can expect no greater reception today. But it is the path we are on when we follow the crucified Christ. Perhaps it all begins with learning how to hug again – safely, respectfully, mutually, and meaningfully.
Mark of St. Mark
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