Dear Jerri, #1

I have written these “Letters to Jerri” in response to a question sent to me by a friend. Jerri and I began our Christian journeys as part of a theologically conservative and biblically fundamentalist faith tradition. I have moved on from that tradition, but my commitment to biblical theology is one of the many gifts that I received from that religious upbringing that I continue to appreciate. 

Dear Jerri, 

You asked if I could show you where in the Bible it is that God justifies or blesses same-sex marriage. My answer has been long in coming, because I am trying to find a way to be both succinct and thorough, to honor your question without going on and on. Alas, I give up. This is part one of I-don’t-know-how-many future editions. Trying to articulate a “biblical view of marriage” really is that complicated.

Frankly, I don’t think we can really speak of “the” biblical view of marriage. Like many issues there are biblical ‘views’ of marriage, most of which are shaped by the predominant social view that was ongoing at that time. For example, bigamy and polygamy are “biblical views of marriage” that were widely practiced – without condemnation – among almost all of the Patriarchs of the Hebrew Bible, as well as by people like David (“a man after God’s own heart”) and Solomon the wise. Of course, it was always ‘one man and his women,’ never ‘one woman and her men,’ because of the social patriarchy that was taken for granted at that time. That’s very significant: The specific configurations of marriage throughout the Scriptures were socially, not religiously, determined. 

Abraham, for example, was no different from any of his contemporary pagan neighbors in his view of marriage. So, when Abraham sleeps with Hagar and produces Ishmael, that coupling is not seen as a sexual sin. It is, perhaps, a sign that Abraham did not understand the covenant that God had made with him, but the sexual part of Abraham’s relationship with a woman who is not his wife is never condemned by God or by the community. In fact, it was Abraham’s wife that put him up to it. And even after the 10 Commands were given, explicitly forbidding adultery, the prohibition of adultery did not preclude having a concubine. 

Isn’t that kind of weird? Does it not at least tell us that the precise definition of ‘marriage’ and ‘proper sexual relationships’ has been a changing social reality over the years – as opposed to a fixed religious reality? 

There were also other social realities that shaped marriage throughout the Hebrew Bible, which I’ll mention without commentary: People typically married a close relative (a half-sister in Abraham’s case); fathers literally gave their daughters away to be married; marriage was an economic contract; people shamelessly married to obtain a higher status or more wealth; widows were legally the responsibility of the next of kin male, who could bargain her off onto another kinsman if he wanted; kings shamelessly took beautiful single women into their harem with or without permission from their families; slaves (slaves!) were sometimes sent to ‘find a good wife’ for an owner; and so forth. None of these practices was either condoned or condemned as ‘religious’ practices. They were simply the acceptable social practices that defined marriage at the time for everyone in the ancient near east – God’s people as well as their pagan neighbors. 

The understanding of sex was likewise socially driven. Menstruating women were either too holy or too unclean to touch, much less to have sex; mandrakes were supposed to be fertility drugs; barrenness was shameful; baby boys were better than baby girls and women who gave birth to baby boys were more honored than those who gave birth to baby girls; and so forth. None of these practices or beliefs was explicitly religious. Almost all of them were based on the need for survival, economic necessity, and good ole’ human passions. There was little or no distinction between God’s people and their pagan neighbors when it came to their understandings of sex or marriage. 

And that’s just the beginning. Next week, we’ll look at a few of these Old Testament more closely. Thanks for your patience.